Council has been delivered a strong warning tonight after routine measurements revealed that the brimstone pits beneath Dunelm were at their lowest levels for decades. The pits, which provide the unholy energy needed to maintain the structure of Dunelm House, normally exist in a state of equilibrium, but certain events require their dark energy in increased quantities. The secretive chair of the Monitoring Committee explained:
Over the last term, several members of Council have been causing a lot of negative energy to be required during the meetings, and it seems that since the members of Council have been unable to produce enough themselves, it has been drawn from the pits.
When this happens within Dunelm, we have a number of containment mechanisms, and the amount lost to the atmosphere remains quite small. However, with several hellish meetings taking place out of Dunelm this term, we've lost a large amount of the reserves.
The Monitoring Committee believes that the current levels do remain adequate, although to rebuild the reserves will require some other means of taking up the strain. Load-bearing chains were fitted to the side of Dunelm to cover for this eventuality, but they have never been tested, and there is a reluctance to use them now.
The importing of brimstone from outside has been considered, but Finance Committee are reported to be uncertain as to whether sufficient can be found from the Dunelm House budget to cover the transport costs.
Meanwhile, in an attempt to conserve the remaining stocks for their primary purpose, Council have been told that they must be nicer to each other. Several members identified by the Monitoring Committee as responsible for the largest drains on the reserves will be sent on sensitivity courses as an initial measure, but more extreme possibilities have not been ruled out should the problem continue.
The Monitoring Committee statement continued:
Normally there is usually one 'meeting from hell' each year, and while this does drain the reserves slightly, they do rebuild slowly over time, and quite often we're able to predict them in advance and move them inside Dunelm.
This term has seen quite a few in quick succession, though, and it's just overwhelmed the recycling systems and drained the reserves. With so little of it taking place in Dunelm, as well, there is a serious crisis - if Council members don't learn to be nice to each other fairly then we risk losing large parts of the building.
Council members are said to be considering the warning, but with several strongly conflicting ideas emerging on how to solve it, the problem may well be with DSU for some time to come.