Site: CotH,
Section: CrossCampus,
Page: Manifestos.
Election manifestos make interesting reading, but since they're written by people trying to be elected, you shouldn't take them at face value. Some common translations may be of use.
| What they say | What they mean |
|---|---|
| I am not a hack | I think being a hack is something to be ashamed of. |
| ...honest | |
| I will provide a fresh approach | I have no experience of this situation. |
| I am in touch with the electorate | I want to play on popular prejudice of hacks as people with no social life |
| OR I talked to a member of the electorate recently | |
| I want to cut red tape and bureaucracy | I have no clue why they are necessary in an organisation of this size |
| I know the electorate likes a good cliche | |
| I want to take the JCRs out of the process (CUSU Presidential candidate) | |
| I will cut unnecessary bureaucracy | ... but will be unable to come up with a good example when asked. |
| My voting will be influenced by values of ... | My
voting will
be influenced by what my faction wants Note: sometimes this will be even easier to spot |
| My interests are your interests | See "I am in touch with the electorate" |
| I am not doing this for my CV | I am doing this for my CV |
| OR My CV is already full enough | |
| We must be careful not to be too confrontational | I don't have the courage to argue when necessary. |
| I will have an open-door policy | I will forget to lock my office. |
| OR I don't understand confidentiality. | |
| I want to make meetings friendlier | I'm a hopeless optimist |
| I will make meetings friendlier | I've not been to enough to realise this is out of my control |
| I am enthusiastic about Stockton campus | I went there once |
| So much so that I couldn't tell you how to get to John Snow college. | |
| I am not enthusiastic about Stockton campus | I would be electorally suicidal if they had slightly higher turnout |
| I want DSU officers to work together more effectively | I hope we get ones who don't hate each other next year. |
| I want to make sure that students' voices are heard. | I will buy a megaphone. |
| I would stop DSU dividing the colleges | I've fallen for the anti-hack propaganda |
| OR I know some people think DSU is out to destroy the college system and want to pick up their votes instead of fighting these impressions. | |
| I would like to see better use of the website. | ...provided someone else writes the content. |
| Your vote could be vital. | I've seen the last
|
| I am not afraid to comment strongly and honestly. | I'm argumentative |
| I will reinvigorate the process of ... | I want you to think I believe in ... but I'm not going to do anything other than say something should be done. |
| I am not making the empty promises heard year on year | ... I've thought of some new ones. |
| I will improve disabled accessibility in Dunelm | I haven't seen the building yet. |
| I guarantee improvement for every student of this University | I will create a series of parallel Durham Universities. The Social Forum claim it's possible. |
| I plan to put my extensive knowledge of electronic communications to good use | I spend all my time spodding. |
| The DSU Treasurer cannot make off-the-cuff pledges. | Candidates for the position are under no such obligation. |
| Fortunately, I'm standing for President. | |
| I will invite high-profile speakers to debates | I thought this was the DUS presidency |
| I propose a daily updated website | I haven't noticed that not that much actually happens in DSU |
| OR I haven't noticed the Steering website. | |
| I'm asking you to elect the person best qualified to be your President. | ... hopefully I can fool you into thinking it's me. |
| The most crucial thing you should consider when electing the President is ... | I know I'm the only candidate with ... so my only hope is to make it the big campaign issue. |
| Ongoing projects, such as Prebends Bridge... | None of my predecessors have succeeded, I don't expect to either, but I want to make you aware that I've heard of it. |
| ...cash machine on the hill... | I've not realised that there might be good reasons it hasn't been done yet. |
| I won't be locked up in an office. | I won't lose my keys. |
| It's time for a change. | This is an election. |
| I will introduce a multimedia X | I'm hoping no-one else knows what multimedia means either. |
| I am an experienced candidate standing for re-election. | I printed too many business cards for one year. |
| As a member of group X I will... | I believe people in group X will vote for me if they know I'm from it. |
| We will not introduce X and have legislated to prevent them | We will introduce X and will intimidate and/or bribe people into voting for its introduction through a variety of unethical means. |
| Supported by .... | I don't do anything myself but I know people with famous names |
| Supported by X of Category-of-people | Couldn't talk the other (>X) of Category-of-people into it, though. |
| The others from that category are standing against me. | |
| For students not just DSU | I'll spend my time trying to become NUS President |
| I'll give DSU a new college emphasis | The old college emphasis isn't good enough |
| You need an experienced candidate | I've stood in lots of cross-campus ballots |
| I will take DSU away from the hacks | I haven't noticed that they've been trying to give it to the students for years |
| I'm not putting off the real world to hang on to Uni | I don't realise that insulting my co-sabbs before I'm even elected is a bad start |
| I will actively recruit officers from a range of backgrounds | ... even if Council won't elect them. |
| I will increase the visibility of DSU | I will paint Dunelm House luminous orange. |
| The election regulations are too restrictive. | I haven't tried reading any others. |
| I would like to ... | I want you to think I might actually do something on ... |
| I believe that you want to elect someone not because they are Political but because... | I'm political and you don't want to elect me. |
| I can not promise more than that. | In fact, I'm not even going to promise that. |
| I'll be whatever you want me to be | You want me to be elected, I hope. |
| I want to see NUS focus on its members | ... by campaigning on entirely unrelated issues. |
| Sabbatical officer blogs will increase accountability | Well, until about September, when they won't have time to update them. |
| After all, if no-one reads or writes Council reports, lots of people will read a blog that no-one's being forced to write. | |
| It worked so well in NUS, after all. | |
| Democracy, equality, and social justice | Please vote for me as a fellow member of the Labour Party |
| As President, I would ... | I should have stood for Treasurer |
Site: CotH,
Section: CrossCampus,
Page: Manifestos.